Flowery bonnets

The Government has come under fire (unfortunately not literally) following the vote supporting the capping of benefits. Well, they’re calling it a cap because caps sounds cute, they should have gone all the way and called it a flowery bonnet. Its a cut! Just one of the many cuts they have been making in their cutting frenzy. I like to imagine them all sitting cross-legged on the floor with safety scissors and a picture book of the economy just cutting out pictures in the shape of benefits and bits of the NHS. Snip snip. Like children who have recently discovered the joy of scissors and their granny has given them the Argos catalogue to maul in order to save her damask curtains. Only the Argos catalogue is society and the damask curtains are the banks. Well wake up Mr Osborne, nobody likes damask curtains anymore! You should watch The Sound of Music and see how to destroy curtains to the benefit of children. (Metaphor ends).

There is no need for me to point out the inequality of this flowery bonnet and I don’t have the time or space to list all the possible effects. But l will have a rant about one of the issues; How are people trying to survive on benefits going to be able to pay energy bills that are rising faster than a Mary Berry sponge cake made of rockets when their income is as frozen as they are? I put this to George Osborne and this was his reply (NB reply has been edited and/or made up).

“Blah, blah, fa, fa, fa, fa. The thing is that skivers are probably on the wrong energy tariff because they are too lazy to change their minds nevermind their energy supplier. The Government is much too busy cutting out pictures to properly regulate the energy suppliers. But look, I understand, it seems complicated, but choosing an energy tariff is as easy as choosing a fine wine. Let me explain, a fixed tariff for example can be enjoyed both now and in the future, like that marvelous Chianti you’re keeping in the cellar. Whereas a prepay meter is like a mature Bordeaux, vintage and deliciously expensive. You might be lucky enough to find something special, say an internet only limited offer, distinctively different like a sweet chardonnay, but not to everyone’s taste and will only be enjoyed right away. Em, Dual fuel, a classic pairing, like a delicious cabernet merlot.

People should not be scared of complex tariffs, it might be seem confusing but like a complex wine you could be looking at something robust and well-structured, like a perfect pinot noir. If its still too confusing, easy, go for the Standard Tariff, not always the best value, might leave a bitter taste in your mouth and an ache in your head, a house red ha, ha, ha, ha, fa, fa.”

I asked Mr Osborne if he thought that by suggesting people choose their energy tariff in the same way that they choose their fine wines he might be excluding most of the public, highlighting social divisions and drawing attention to the fact that he is only interested in the upper classes?

He said, “No.”

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